Things I’ve Learned From Facebook

Sleeper Muslim terrorists anchor babying dirty bombs with fake birth certificates to steal our jobs and social security.

Global Illumanati power in the hands of corrupt world bank executives at hedge funds destabilizing the U.S. Dollar to overthrow a new world order run by Kim Jong Il, Juan Valdez, and Hillary Clinton.

Communist spies living normal lives in suburban neighborhoods planting seeds of insurrection to turn america red, they killed Paul McCartney and replaced him with a clone. Obama did JFK assassination.

Jedi Mind Trick Explained: The “Red Hammer” Trick

Read this text (it takes about 15 seconds).

After, we’ll explain how it works.

16326_908138525881252_4711679339822720628_n This is a really interesting scientific phenomenon known as cognitive load. Absent any external stimuli, when asked to name a color, people tend, on average, to say “red” first — when asked to name a tool, they tend to say “hammer.” Of course, when you’re not under cognitive load, like right now, your mind can start to wander. You might say an orange rake! The math problems increase your cognitive load and cause you to behave more predictably because there are less free brain cells that you can use to think creatively.

They use similar tests to measure things like stereotypes, which people will deny having when not under cognitive load, but give them the same test and show them a picture of a black man with his hand in his pocket and people say “he’s got a gun.”

Freaky stuff.

A Politically Correct Wish For A Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays

By an unknown source

To All My Liberal Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2014, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great.

Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only “America” in the Western Hemisphere.

Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the person or persons to whom this wish is sent.

To My Conservative Friends:
God Bless You and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

The Web Says “No Thanks” to HubSpot

The Internet is a fickle mistress, and her whims are often hard to predict, even for professional marketing types. HubSpot’s latest foray into branded entertainment parodies the recent viral hit “The Fox” by Norwegian comedy duo Ylvis. In the video, called “What Does The Web Say,” HubSpot’s Senior Inbound Marketing Consultant Mike Lemire stars in a song-and-dance routine about Internet memes. It very briefly highlights some of the most popular memes throughout the Internet’s history, even hitting the oldie-but-goodie “Hamster Dance.”

Just 5,000 views in, the video was already tanking with a ratio of more than 3:1 “Thumbs Down” votes on YouTube. By this evening, though the views had increased to 15,000, HubSpot elected to turn off YouTube’s Like bar, blocking new viewers from seeing the clear indication of backlash. In typical fashion, commenters were brutal. One writes, “I hope Amazon has mindsoap.”

The problem is a clear disconnect between the video’s creators and the living, breathing pulse of the Internet. To use dead, unfunny memes from ten years ago in a piece of branded entertainment reeks of trying too hard and comes off as another lame attempt to create a viral video.

As inbound marketing gurus themselves, HubSpot must recognize the ridiculousness of trying to create a viral video simply from reusable content like cut-and-paste scenes from “Gangnam Style” and “Harlem Shake.”

Here is an example of rehashing memes done right:

What’s the difference? YouTube’s Rewind is a true remix, chock-full of new content and timed perfectly to encapsulate a year’s worth of viral videos. A stand-alone package that can’t help but make you smile as you reminiscence.

Brands who release branded entertainment will be held to a higher standard than individuals who have no profit motive. HubSpot’s attempt falls short of this standard, and for that, it received a clear answer to the question, “What Does The Web Say?”

My Latest Passion: Rise of Mythos

I started playing Rise of Mythos (Formerly called Kings and Legends) nine days ago, and I believe it’s one of the most unique and interesting games out there.

It’s a unique take on the Trading Card Game concept, and it takes some inspiration from Magic: The Gathering, another game I have enjoyed playing in the past. The premise is simple: build a “deck” (creatures and skills that you intend to play), draw two cards, and play none, one, or both of them. Your creatures, played in your own backfield, will advance along a 2×10 grid until they reach your opponent’s backfield. As your opponent plays creatures, you will engage in a tug-of-war around the center to see who will gain the advantage.
– Read More –

Back to Basics: A Simple Solution to Addressable Display Advertising

Might advertisers one day be able to deliver more relevant advertising based on what you say on Twitter? Signs point to yes.

While writing my most recent paper, Psychographic Targeting and Messaging Customization, I tested an algorithm that identifies powerful drivers of purchase intent in the automobile category, psychological factors like narcissism, risk orientation, and social comparison bias via textual analysis.

My results show three things:

  1. These simple factors may be more predictive of purchase intent than demographics or behavior, the two most commonly used targeting methods,
  2. It is possible to identify and quantify psychological factors, like narcissism, by a textual analysis of a user’s Twitter feed, and
  3. That, having identified which users are more receptive to certain messages, we can deliver segmented messaging to these users leveraging the psychological factors that drive purchase decisions.

The research, a combination of qualitative research and two quantitative surveys, identifies the step-by-step method by which an brand in any category can identify psychological motivators of purchase in their particular category and segment the audience via psychographics, rather than demographics or behavior.

Read the full paper here.

I am, as it were, an unemployed recent grad looking for a gig in ad tech. See my resume.

Biohacking, or: My Quest For Superpowers

By visiting the Biohacking article on, viewing, accessing or otherwise using any of the services or information created, collected, compiled or submitted to, you agree to be bound by the following Terms and Conditions of Service. If you do not want to be bound by our Terms your only option is not to visit, view or otherwise use the services of You understand, agree and acknowledge that these Terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you and and that your use of shall indicate your conclusive acceptance of this agreement.

Terms: If you are not a representative of my insurance company, please click “Read More.” I am not responsible for what happens to you if you follow in my footsteps. I am not a role model.
– Read More –

Thoughts on Michael Arrington Hitting Women

Enjoy the click-bait title? Let me start by making it clear that I’ve never met Michael Arrington, nor do I know much about his personal life. It’s also not at all my place to comment on whether or not the ex-girlfriend who has accused him of assault and rape is fibbing, and BusinessInsider has done a relatively good job of breaking down the facts as they see it.

What I can comment on though is Arrington’s reaction to the story. As far back as I can remember, Arrington has never had a reasoned, level-headed reaction to anything in his life. I’ve never looked at this man and said, “Wow, here’s a guy who’s going to change the future for the better.” In fact, about half of his Wikipedia entry is dedicated to controversies he’s been involved in.

In this case, Arrington responds with three short paragraphs saying, in essence: 1) I’m suing the girl, 2) I didn’t do it, and 3) The police are involved.

Actions usually speak louder than words, but not when the speaker has a soapbox the size of Arrington’s. In the scheme of things, this is a baseless (in Arrington’s eyes) accusation against a relatively unimportant Internet blowhard. It’s not the kind of story that people care about. Had Mr. Arrington simply hired his attorney, contacted the police, and avoided publicizing the matter himself, he might have escaped with less negative publicity.

Update: Arrington’s next response was much more appropriate. Why didn’t he lead with this?

Here’s a List of Brands to Boycott If You Oppose Gay Marriage


For those who don’t know, there is currently a boycott of Oreo for their support of gay marriage rights. A few months ago, it was a boycott of Betty Crocker because they too support the civil right for gay couples to marry. Before that it was JC Penney & Ellen Degeneres, and even further back, it was McDonald’s.

If you still wish to frequent a business that supports discrimination against your fellow American citizens, perhaps you need to recognize those companies who do NOT: You will need to throw away your iPod, iPhone, and iPad since Apple supports gay marriages. Hopefully you have lots of clothes, because you’ll need to ditch your Levi’s and Nike’s too. Perhaps you bought them at JC Penney’s or Sears? Sucks… you’ll have to take them back. Actually, anything you wear from anywhere probably had a gay person involved.

Flying somewhere soon? Better not be on American, Delta, Southwest, or United – you’ll need a new ticket. Your choice of airline wasn’t mentioned above? Well then, just be sure your jet isn’t Boeing made (Boeing supports gay rights). Can’t sleep at a Marriott or Hilton (or any of their family brands) because, yep, they support civil rights.

That morning coffee from Starbucks will have to go as well, go ahead and replace it with a McCafe. Oh wait, McDonald’s supports gay rights too. Hmm, do you clean with Tide, Gain, or Bounty? Use Duracell batteries, shave with Gillette, or use Fixodent? Brush with Crest, use Pantene, Scope, Tampax, Venus, or Old Spice products? Those are all gone too, stupid Procter & Gamble supporting the gays.

Damn, you’re using Internet Explorer or Chrome to read this post? Download something else, Microsoft and Google show their gay pride as well as Hewlett-Packard and Xerox. Ah, but your drinks are safe. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and Budweiser are on your side – if your side is on the right side of civil rights history, since all three also support gay rights.

Drive that big, manly, Ford F350? Ford and General Motors also support the rights of all gay Americans (Ford’s corporate network includes Ford, Lincoln, Mercury, Mazda, Volvo, Jaguar, Land Rover & Aston-Martin vehicles). Macy’s, Nordstrom, the Gap, Levi Strauss, Liz Claiborne – yep have to boycott them all.

Remember Prop 8 in California? The United Farm Workers OPPOSED Prop 8. The California Nurses Association & the League of Women Voters OPPOSED Prop 8. The CA Teachers Assoc gave $1.25 million. PG&E gave $250k. Levi Strauss gave $250k & co chaired with PG&E a group designed to encourage businesses to OPPOSE Prop 8 – all to support the civil right for gay Americans to marry. So, if you agree that business owners have the right to discriminate against minorities, it appears some of you may simply need to just stay home and boycott everything.

(Attribution: Some of this, like the list of brands, and some of the text, was taken from a Facebook post, the original author of which is unknown. I’ve edited it as necessary.)

Older Posts